I always feel so much happier when I blog, I don't really know why. It's like I'm about to get so much off my chest and I'm like 'BRING IT' It's probably really bad. This sort of thing used to freak me out with tumblr. The way people posted all their feelings and it was so so depressing. But I don't know, I'm starting to look at things with a different light so maybe I'll try it again.
Sometimes I do think people should have diaries though. The things they post on facebook are just ridiculous. When Tom broke up with me I didn't go blabbing to facebook and twitter about my feelings because I didn't want everyone to know. I half want to give everyone a diary just so they don't get judged and they feel like they aren't alone.
However.
It's ironic how I am now pouring my feelings out on this blog, so I suppose that I can not really talk.
I'm really confused. And it's obviously about a boy.
I have never seen that film! It's on every christmas isn't it and I have never ever gotten around to watching it. That's well bad I must watch it this christmas..which is only four months away. Scary.
ANYWAY
It's like, we won't talk for ages and I'll think that I'm over him. And then I'll bump into him somewhere, and we'll start talking again. and he'll be kinda flirty and then..nothing.
I was pretty sure at one point he actually liked me as well, and I liked him at the same time but then we never really got it together?
What does all this flirtiness mean? Does he like me or not? I hate just sitting around and waiting but then when you like someone enough I guess it feels ok. To live on the hope that one day you'll be together. But after a while I get paranoid, I see photos and think 'you like her, I know it.'
And I hate it.
I hate not being able to control my thoughts because someone else has taken them over. my brain is MINE but no matter how hard they try they keep coming back. like water, it gets into everything.
And this also scares me, because I don't like being attached to one person, because I know I'll hurt them. Because I'll just get bored and end up pushing them away and then I start feeling hurt because I don't want to hurt them but I have. Bearing in mind, all this is going on in my brain while we are not together, not talking and he probs can not remember my last name.
So yes, I'm quite confused.
But there have been some happy times this month or so. I went to the fireworks with my girl SoberCity. this was massively good times and we walked along the pier and realised that there is nothing there for anyone to see but there is if you know where it is. However if you don't know where the thing to see is, then there is nothing to see. Basically the pier consisted of the smell of fish and fishing rods. (We didn't know where the thing to see was.)
Also, Hi-Tide fireworks? Not a patch on Prague ofc but fireworks are still really pretty I think. Porthcawl have them constantly since I was born so I love them.
I mean, I think the cutest thing would to go to a fireworks display and see 'MARRY ME' in the sky and then your guy on one knee in front of you. Even if I didn't know him and he was about eighty with a beard I would marry him.
I also went to a wedding. This was all round FAB TIMES. Mainly because KitchenCrusader (tighest man in the universe, literally a nun's vagina has nothing on him) got a bit tipsy and was buying everyone drinks. OH MAN I was loving it! He was dancing around (or 'bopping' as my mother was calling it, don't even go there with me, she lives in the 80's) to every song, he was very nearly the life and soul and I was very proud.
The actual wedding was lovely too ofc. However it was a catholic wedding. Now, I attend a Catholic school and I go to mass. However I play an instrument, so I just sit in the corner and doze off for the most of it and it's very nice. But now! I was standing up and sitting down and at one point they incorporated kneeling. Literally some hand movements and the could've got a good dance routine out of it.
Also I have dip-dyed my hair. You know when you have really high expectactions of something and it turns out better then you imagined and you're like 'YES BANE I CAN TAKE YOU ON YOU MASKED DEMON' (I have recently seen the dark knight rises I was overwhelmed it was so good.)
Anyway, it wasn't one of those situations.
Basically I wanted electric blue hair and it turned out very dark blue and as I have quite dark hair it was a bummer. But ah well, I'll find a lighter blue and re-dye and re-dye until I find the colour I want!
I love twitter, but I find I can't really get much off my chest or say something really deep because there are so little characters to do it in. I am a right chatterbox, I will talk for hours, the air comes in from my ears and I inhale food, and then twiiter gives me 140 characters to say what's going on?! What if the world is coming to an end -Voldemort is back, rollerskating mannequins have taken over every Starbucks in the world, every Asian doesn't look the same and the sun is burning out!! What am I supposed to say?! 'Currently world ending, can't get a good hot chocolate because of dummies. Can't tell asian from white, HP is needed and it's gone very dark' oh yeah, that's great, really gives the full perspective.
I have been working very hard lately and have stacked up loads of money from my job. this is very exciting for me as it means that I can buy lots of food and drink and do not have to scab money off other people yay:)
Oh christy, this was quite long! ok, I have a song for you all to listen to, my dad got The Stranglers CD for his birthday and I really like this song on it so listen to it and rediscover your 60's self:)
Peace out guys, I love you all xxx
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